So tonight, it was brought to my attention in various ways by at least 3 different people, how public this "blog" actually is. Of course it couldn't just have been one person, it had to all happen collectively! So anyway, it got me thinking--is this a good thing or a bad thing? Then one person gave me a really great reminder that everyone deals with things differently, and that this is my way of processing things. When I started this, that's what this "blog" was meant to be. (And I use the term "blog" very loosely because typically a blog is meant to serve as an update of day-to-day life for family and friends to check up on, and that was never my intention for this project.) When I started this, I noted that this would serve as my outlet for now, and that's what it has been and will continue to be until I don't feel the need to use this medium for that purpose any longer.
I have definitely received different responses to the whole thing. Some people think that I shouldn't post what they consider to be such "private" thoughts and feelings for everyone in the world to read lest I whore myself out to those who only wish to pity me for my situation. Others see it the way I do and just appreciate being able to check in on how I'm doing from day to day. Who knows, maybe there are other people who read this "blog" purely as a form of entertainment because it gives them something else to think about than their mundane normal lives.
Whatever the motive is that people find to read my "blog", I hope that they all understand that if there's something here that is offensive or that they don't agree with, they are welcome to stop reading it. Similarly, I hope that those who appreciate this project for what it is are welcome to continue to visit my site because, like I said, I use this format because it's easier for me to type something than it is to write it down, and if there are things that I don't want to be public, I won't post them here. (Not to say that I intend for the things that are posted here to be taken as me wanting them to be public, just that it's inevitable when you post anything on public domain.)
I know that when you and I were working on your blog you were often reluctant or hesitant to post certain things because you didn't want the attention that came with the news, and I feel like that sometimes but I try to remind myself that this is about you and me, and not about me and everyone else. Maybe once the babies come and there is more excitement with that people will have things other than depressing lamentations to read here, but for now, they get what they get.
I miss being understood by you. Without you there's no one that completely gets why I am the way I am, let alone anyone who loves me for it! That was one thing that was so great about you. You always understood who I was and what was important to me and you loved me for it every day that we were together. I love you for loving me so unconditionally that way.
I miss you tonight. I wish I could curl up into you and just lay with you on the couch. Relaxing and taking it easy by myself was never as effective as when you were there with me, True Story.
I love you unconditionally sweetheart.