Saturday, August 21, 2010

2 Years Together

Dear Sean,

Yesterday was our 2 year anniversary. I remember our wedding day so well. It was so perfect, and you made it so special for me. Whenever there is a wedding, everyone focuses on the bride and how she looks and what she put together, but for me, I remember you. I remember how you looked when I was walking down the aisle to become your wife. I remember the expression on your face when you saw me coming. I remember what your hair looked like and what you were wearing I remember how tall you seemed when I stood next to you. I remember the feel of our hands holding each other as we stood and said our vows, and I remember what it was like to place your wedding band on your finger and know that you were mine forever. I remember the way you looked at me all evening--when we were eating together, saying hello to all of our guests, dancing, and driving off into the night. You had this look on your face like everything in your life at that moment was perfect and that nothing was more important to you than for us to just be there with each other.

God, I miss that look. I thought about that look all day yesterday. It haunted me. I thought about the way you always stayed near me and kept a hand on me or an arm around me so that I would never get too far away from you. But it wasn't in an obsessive, possessive type of way, it was very loving, and concerned. It was like, if you let me go, I'd disappear and you'd never be able to touch me again. That's how I felt letting you go at the hospital when you died. I didn't want to let go of you, because I knew that you were gone, and I'd never touch You again.

I remembered you all day yesterday, but mostly I remembered us together. There were several parts that made up what you and I were together, and some of that was you and I individually, but yesterday it was about our life together. And our life together truly did start long before we were married, even before we knew where it would lead. I always loved you for never doubting me or doubting us and for always giving everything you had into our relationship and marriage together. That was always you: 100%, right from the beginning. You made it so easy to love you, and yesterday I spent the day remembering how you made me feel on our wedding day, and I could remember the feeling of your love and how it would always come over me.

So we would have been married for 2 years yesterday, and that seems somewhat ridiculous to me, only in that I cannot believe it was only such a short time. It felt like so many more years than that, in a very very good way, and for the reality of the actual amount of time that we had together to set in--it's very depressing. We shared so much with each other over that period of time, it was like I had known you my whole life. We spent nearly 2 years finishing each other's sentences, reading each other's expressions, finding ourselves in each other while losing ourselves in each other at the same time, and learning that love isn't just a feeling, but that it's a choice that we made together every day, no matter how easy it was to choose to love you (and you made it very easy).

I truly loved every moment during the past 2 years (and further than that) that I had with you. I found a whole new person in myself every day that I was with you, and it was someone that I've grown into, and someone who is better, older, and wiser than who I was when you married me. You were so good for me, to me, with me. I will always love you for that. I still make that choice every day, to love you the way you always loved me, and I'll make that choice for the rest of my life. You are my husband. There is no one else who can claim that spot--not in the past, present, or future. And these 2 years that have passed us by are only the beginning of many many years (sometimes I fear) of our legacy. It's not over yet, even though you're gone. I'll be with you again someday, and it will be like you never left my side.

I know our anniversary yesterday would have been a happy one. And I hope that the day that I had remembering us together, and remembering you was good with you in the way it was good with me. There is so much I wish I could say to you, and in a lot of ways I have said it, and in some I still will. But let me just say now that I love you and that's all I need today to get me through to the end of today.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart

No comments:

Post a Comment