Monday, August 2, 2010



It's been just over two months since you died and my brain and body are still completely and entirely overwhelmed by all of the things that I remember about you and about what happened to you and what you and I went through. Some of it I think about voluntarily and some of it I experience as intrusive thoughts. I haven't really found any memories that I choose to block out over other memories or anything like that, because I feel like, no matter how bad the situation was, it's me remembering you, and I never want to stop doing that. Right now, I'm exhausted, physically and mentally so I think I'll keep this short, but I just wanted to say that no matter what the memory, whether it's a conscious thought or something that shoots into my brain on its own, I treasure everything that I recall of our time together, no matter how terrible the situation was. It is so strange to me that we could become so close together and develop such a strong and meaningful relationship and companionship over such an awful situation. There was so much good that came out of all of the terrible things that happened to you, and I'm so not thrilled about the way things had to happen in order for our relationship to reach that level, but knowing the level it did reach is one of the very few positive things I have left to hold onto these days.

You are my true love and soul mate and just as sure as I am that your body is lying in the ground at this moment, I am sure that there is no one else on this earth that would ever come close to fitting me the way you did. And so, even though we were robbed of our lifetime together and instead were only able to experience 3 short years together, I will always recall what we had and it will be one of the very few things that I will find comfort in, perhaps for the rest of my life.

I love you.

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