Kicking

Sweetheart,

The girls started kicking tonight. Like, actually kicking to the point where I can feel the movement from the outside, and not just on the inside. I am so devastated that you are not here to feel this right now. I mean, it just started like 3 minutes ago. I am at home, sitting on the couch (in your spot), and I can feel both of them. Sophie started first, and I think she may have stirred Olivia enough to make her do it to because now they're both going crazy. I always wanted this moment to come while I was at home so that I wouldn't be at work our out somewhere without you so that I could just have you come running over to feel. If you were here right now, you'd be able to feel them.

I can't believe you're missing this right now. First it was the ultra sound to find out what we were having. Now, it's their first kicks. Soon it will be their births, then their first feeding, their first night at home, their first solid food, their first steps, and their first day of school. I miss you so much. It's unbelievable. This should be one of the happiest moments of my life, and it's turning swiftly into one of the saddest. Oh, honey, I wish I could enjoy this the way it should be. Our girls are growing, and they're getting closer to being here, and this is an amazing feeling to know that they are in there. But I would give anything at this moment for you to be here to place your hands on my belly to feel your daughters moving. And they can hear now, and I know that they would move to the sound of your voice if they could hear it.

It feels like my heart and soul are splitting into two halves. I'm so happy and at the same time, I have never felt the loss of you more. I knew that this moment would be difficult, but I never imagined it would be like this.

I wish you were here, I wish you were here, I wish you were here.

I love you, darling husband, and I hope that wherever you are, you are somehow experiencing this with me.