Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Talking to You


I miss talking to you. On all levels. I miss being able to joke around with you about things that we both found completely ridiculous, or things that were bothering us, or that we were angry about. I miss talking to you about plans and dreams for the future, like selling our cars and taking a permanent vacation to Italy and starting a bike rental shop and flower stand. I miss talking to you about important things like what the doctors were telling you or what was going on at work. I miss sitting with you, and not needing to say anything because we were so comfortable with each other that we didn't need to have a conversation to communicate. I miss the looks you'd get on your face when you thought I was crazy or being funny or if I was upset or angry about something. Your face was always very expressive to me, but in subtle ways that most people probably never noticed. I always noticed, and I could tell when something was bothering you just by looking at you. Those bright blue eyes couldn't hide anything from me, but I love that you never even tried to.

I miss just coming home and having the typical "hi, how was your day" conversation. Anytime any one asks me that question or if they ask me "how was work" and I answer "busy", I always think about you because that was like a weird routine of ours. You'd ask me how work was and that was always my answer. But then, we'd move on to something else more real and more important. It was like our transition into real conversation or something.

I just miss you being the one that I could tell anything and everything to. From the tiniest things that were on my mind to all of my strange and crazy "what if's" to the most serious of topics. Now, all I have to look back on are the conversations that we had, and I have to keep telling myself that you're not here for me to talk to anymore every time something happens or something comes to mind. I couldn't be myself with anyone quite like I could with you, and I miss being myself, and I miss you.

I miss the sound of your voice as well. I thought I should just throw that in there. You had an excellent voice, and it's impossible to explain how hearing it made me fall more and more in love with you every day. I can still hear the sound of it sometimes in my head, but it's fading, and I hate that o much. I know that memories fade, and things we experienced with our senses fade, but I'm not ready for that to happen, so I hold on to things like the sound of your voice for dear life, because it's those things that I can still experience that keep my heart beating, even though sometimes I think it's what's killing me from the inside out at the same time.

I just miss you, there's not really much more to it than that. It's such a broad range of emotions and experiences though, so I want to be specific and let you and everyone else know what I'm particularly thinking about. So today, I miss talking to you, telling you things, laughing about everything ridiculous, and hearing the sound of your voice.

I love you so much, honey, you have no idea.

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